Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Football Scout Characteristics by Author Patrick McCaskey

 [This is taken from Sports and Faith: Stories of the Devout and the Devoted by Patrick McCaskey published by Sporting Chance Press and available on Amazon and selected stores and public libraries.   Readers might find this humorous pieces of  interest at this time of year in the NFL Combine and drafts. ]

 Now that I am a man, I notice that many scouts have these following characteristics:

1. A Scout Is Trustworthy A Scout’s honor is paramount. If he were to violate his honor by giving incomplete reports, or by cheating on his expense account, or by not going to Indianapolis in February for the Combine, he may be directed to turn in his decoder ring.

2. A Scout Is Loyal He is loyal to all to whom loyalty is due: God, his family, his team, his general manager, his secretary, his hometown, his alma maters, his city, his state, his country, his hemisphere, his planet, and his universe.

3. A Scout Is Helpful He must be prepared at any time to workout free agents, help injured players, and search the waiver wires. He is utterly alone except inasmuch as he helps his team.

4. A Scout Is Friendly He is a friend of the earth and a brother to every other Scout. Early in his career, he earns the car rental merit badge. His favorite song is “On the Road Again.”

5. A Scout Is Courteous He is polite to all, especially management, coaches, and players.

 6. A Scout Is Kind He is a friend to animals. The Bears are his favorite team. He displays sportsmanship toward the Bills, Colts, Dolphins, Bengals, Broncos, Seahawks, Cardinals, Eagles, Lions, Falcons, Rams, Ravens, Jaguars, and Panthers. He is also kind to Patriots, Jets, Browns, Titans, Steelers, Chiefs, Raiders, Chargers, Cowboys, Giants, Redskins, Packers, Vikings, Buccaneers, Saints, 49ers, and Texans.

7. A Scout Is Obedient He obeys the Ten Commandments, his general manager, and his own Scout Law. He obeys the law of gravity because he knows it’s there for his protection. He even obeys the speed limit because he doesn’t want to forfeit his car rental merit badge.

8. A Scout is Cheerful He tries to smile all the time, even on draft day. If his choice is not his team’s choice, he doesn’t stomp out of the draft room in a huff. He follows the philosophy of Mel Brooks as the 2,000-year-old man. “Keep a smile on your face and a nectarine in your pocket.”

9. A Scout Is Thrifty He flies coach. If someone accuses him of being cheap, he explains that he always admired Jack Benny. He tithes 10% of his income. He pays his bills promptly. He fi les his income tax returns on time.

10. A Scout Is Brave He has the courage to speak up for his choices on draft day against the coaxings of other Scouts or the leers or threats of the general manager, and defeat does not discourage him. If his team is in a losing streak because of a lot of injuries, he is prepared to offer suggestions about carefully researched projects on the practice squads of other teams.

11. A Scout Is Clean He cleans up the sink after he is through using it so the next person who uses it won’t feel so badly. He does not use obscenities because swear words are clichés. He knows the importance of keeping himself physically fit. He knows it’s even more important to shower after his workouts.

12. A Scout Is Reverent He has a mature love of God. He longs for the attainment of the full capacity to love. He goes to church or mosque or temple and has daily devotions. If he scouts a player who will be great and who has different religious convictions, he still recommends the player.

Copyright 2014, Sporting Chance Press.  Patrick McCaskey is a senior director of the Chicago Bears, Chairman of Sports Faith International that recognizes athletes who lead exemplary lives, and  Chairman of Catholic Radio Station WSFI 88.5 FM. Sports and Faith: Stories of the Devout and the Devoted by Patrick McCaskey published by Sporting Chance Press and available on Amazon and selected stores and public libraries.